How I Made Peace with My Past Without Becoming My Pain

Let me start by saying this: healing is not about pretending the past didn’t happen. It’s about remembering it differently—without letting it define who you are today.

I used to carry my past like a backpack full of bricks. Every wrong turn, every betrayal, every time I said yes when I meant hell no—it was all strapped to my back. And you know what? I thought that carrying it made me strong. I thought it meant I hadn’t forgotten. But what I hadn’t realized was… I also hadn’t forgiven. Not them. Not me.

🥴 I wasn’t just remembering my pain. I was my pain.

I wore it in my body language, in the way I flinched at certain compliments, in how I over-explained my boundaries, and in the walls I built so high even I couldn’t climb out.

But then something wild happened—I got tired. Not just tired like “I need a nap.” I’m talking soul-deep exhaustion. And it hit me: I was still arguing with a past version of me who no longer existed. Sis had already packed her bags. Meanwhile, I was still holding court with her ghost.

🧘🏾‍♀️ Making Peace Looked Like This:

1. I Stopped Trying to Rewrite the Story

I used to rehearse my past like I was preparing for a courtroom trial. Like if I could just explain it better, it would hurt less. But peace came when I said: It happened. I hated it. And I’m healing from it anyway.

2. I Gave My Younger Self a Break

We are SO hard on who we were back then. But baby, she was surviving with what she knew. She made choices with half the tools and double the trauma. I had to start thanking her for getting me here… even if she stumbled her way through.

3. I Allowed Room for Duality

Yes, my pain shaped me. But it is not all I am. I can honor my scars without shrinking into them. I can cry about what hurt me and still laugh about where I’m going.

💡 A Little Wisdom From Me to You:

“You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to become after it.”

Every time I chose compassion over criticism… I healed.
Every time I chose to speak life over myself, instead of shame… I healed.
And every time I stopped reacting to the old story and started writing a new one… I became more me.

💌 Your Turn, Boo:

Here’s a little journaling prompt to sit with tonight:

What version of you have you been arguing with—and what would it look like to let her rest?

You are allowed to evolve beyond your pain. You don’t owe your past anything but gratitude and release.

Let peace find you. But more importantly—let it stay.

Until next time, I love ya'll forreal!